“I want to grow faster” easily ends up vague. I prepared this set of questions because of a real one-on-one — after 20 to 30 hours of conversation, I compiled the scattered questions into this checklist. When you talk, keep one thing in mind: growth is an accumulation of milestones, and a milestone is made up of four parts: situation, behavior, evidence, and the next round of practice.

Prepare Your Own Feelings

Don’t define what “growth” is yet — instead answer these concrete questions:

  • How tight or loose is your work lately? Do you feel physically tired — is the schedule too tight, or are there too many things going on?
  • Are you mentally tired? Do you approve of the product’s current direction, or are you not quite sure?
  • How does the team’s current atmosphere feel: too much involution, or too busy?
    • “Involution” means grabbing work from each other over meaningless things; “busy” means there is too much work, too many schedules, and you need overtime to finish it.
  • Do you have expectations about the split between business and technology? (60/40, 70/30, 50/50, …)
  • Is communication within the team still smooth? What about within your group, and across groups?

Points to Discuss

Start from “how growth has felt recently,” not from “have you hit your growth targets.”

  • Do you have a fairly clear sense of the nodes in your own growth?
    • Can I tell which things, done to what degree, will give me a sense of achievement and growth?
    • Or rather: do I know that each cycle brings growth, and do I accept that pace of growth?
    • What should the growth milestones in your mind look like?
  • Does the direction of your work bring a sense of growth? Does cross-platform work feel tedious, like filling potholes and getting annoyed? Does full-stack work bring too much pressure and scatter your energy?
  • What kind of growth do I want for myself? Am I making progress in what I am doing now? Is there a gap from my expectations?
  • Does the team feel like it is growing? Compared with your own growth, does that create pressure? Can the things you do bring you growth?
  • Do you feel recognized in the team? Needed? Is there something you want to push everyone to do? Do you wish more people on the team would help you?
  • If I have points I want to discuss, let me set the title: my thought is ______.

Use situations instead of labels: don’t ask “Am I mature enough?” but ask “Facing a task with incomplete information, can I first spell out what’s known, what’s unknown, and the path to verify?” Don’t ask “Do I have leadership?” but ask “When there’s a gap in the division of labor, can I foster collaboration with clear boundaries, rather than quietly taking on all the work?”

Venting and Feedback

  • I hope you pay a bit more attention to me.
  • I feel the details of my growth plan aren’t enough yet, and there are too many trivial things; I hope it can be cleaner and clearer.
  • I’m being pushed too hard and can’t keep up.
  • I’ve taken on too much; I can’t finish it and I’m about to explode.
  • and also ______

Feedback requests can also be very specific: “In my last write-up, which part helped you make a decision? Which part made you stop and ask a follow-up?”